Whorl Wind of shit.....

OMG.... there is just so much going on in my life right now and in my friends lives right now. And with all this shit about dealing with who my real freinds are I have found that there are some people that really count on my friendship and I love that, it makes me feel great. At the same time I am such a devoted friend that I feel terrible they are going throuhg what they are going through and that I don't know how to help them.
Either I don't know what to say to help the situation or I can't be near them b/c they live to far away. It kills me and eats me alive thinking about it. Now don't get me wrong I don't want my friends to not talk to me it is just it is all at once.
To top it off i have my normal 1st of hte month stresses about paying hte mortgage. And now I have new tenant so I have alot going on...

Then my own personal shit... ARGH!!! I really feel like a tornado. So the same freaking day that I post about making realizations.... Guess who calls me. Yeah well i don't know if he really wanted to "talk" to me but to tell me about something that was going one with a mutual friend. I couldn't talk to him so I said i would call him back. I did. I listened to what he had to say but I was meeting up with a friend. When the friend showed up I blew him off. Pretty much the same way he would do to me. It felt good and horrible at the same time. My friend that I was with was super proud of me.
THen last night he was hainging out in H-1 room (where I was) and bs'ing with me like nothing. It hurt. It felt horrible. It made all those feelings of missing him come back. I tried to play it off, and text my friend that he was there and make fun and talk to my friend that was there but the emotions were still there. ARGH
Now on top of that I have become really good friends with both P & A. We have a good time hanging out etc. And I worry that I am going to do the same thing with them that I did with E that made him leave. that made him feel like I was coming on strong or whatever. So now I find myself leary of how to act instead of just being friends with these people and enjoying their friendship. B/c they are both really good friends and are very sweet to me. But I am so afraid of losing them that I end up smothering I don't know.
I think my real problem is that I take all my friendships to heart, and they all mean alot to me. I think about my friends pretty much everday in some form and I guess tha tis a good thing I just need to learn how to control that? idk?

All I have to say is thang god I am going upstate this weekend!