Realizations.....

So time and time again people have told me things. Given me advice and all though I knew all along they were right I needed to make that realization myself. I needed to truly believe it. I think I have finally done this. I think I have finally made the realization that some of the people I truly believed were my friend, maybe a friend but not a good friend. I needed to believe that myself.
Friday nights I have been hanging out with some people and having a really good time. Two of the guys A & P have been so great. They don't know all the details just the basic synopsis and every week they encourage me to believe that what everyone is saying is true. They manage to make me feel better about myself when I get down about all the guys swarming J. They say "hey are we swarming her, no we are with you b/c we enjoy your company" "do we leave when she leaves" (all the guys do that) "no they stay b/c they enjoy my company" I have hung out with these two guys just a few times and now we chat from time to time. And you know what these two have been better friends to me then someone else. They have proven that to me and they have showed me even more that he was not a good friend to me and still isn't. I think I finally see that now. I really just needed to beleive it. THat is not to say I don't miss him. That is not to say that I don't think about it from time to time but you know what, I don't find myself wanting to call him or talk to him. In fact when I was asked Friday night where he was my response was "IDK, I don't care, FUCK HIM!" and damn that felt good!
Deep down I think he got great pleasure in knowing that he meant that much to me, and that he didn't care. I think it boosted his ego, I think he feels that he is a good friend and he is sooo wrong. You know what and I always say this, anyone who is friends with me is really lucky. Not to toot my own horn but I think I am a damn good friend. I am there for people when they need and I will bend over backwards for anyone and I am fun to be with, lol.
Now this is not to say that if he calls i will say "fuck you" but it just isn't what I thought it was and it is just back to being a firehouse 'acquaintance"

SO I want to thank all my friends, my true friends. And I want to apologize to those that I didn't listen to from the beginning. Again it was not that I didn't believe them or trust them I just needed to discover it myself and I have. It hurts but I have and I know that I have plenty of other great friends out there! Thank you all!