you don't realize....

You don't realize how much you enjoy something til you no longer have it. You don't realize how important things are until they are gone. You don't realize that you are sad until you are finally happy!

My new friend will be occupied by the g/f for the next 2 days and well since we have spent so much time together I am going to miss him... I know loser!!!

I miss E, ALOT! I miss that friendship. I sometimes felt that P was filling that void I had when he stopped talking to me (or was too busy to talk to me). But not really. I mean I am so thrilled to have found P as a friend but he can't replace E. There will always be a special place in my heart for him. I feel like we connected I feel like we shared things with each other that we didn't share with anyone else. Surprisingly he has been kind of chatty with me lately. I feel a little better that maybe I will at least have my friend back. Maybe not to the extent I had original thought it would be but I am ok with that now. And that is where I think P is helping. He is being that friend that I thought E would be and then some!

There are times in the day or certain days where I truly am happy with my life at this moment. Hence the post the other day but then there are times where I really am not. I wish I could find that place where I am happy. I was saddened to hear that P is unhappy. I feel like our unhappiness is b/c of the same reasons and I guess I thought that I was making him happy... I guess not enough. Being such a devoted friend I hate to hear that and wish I knew of way to fix that.

What do I really need to do to be happy again. It really doesn't help that Andrew has been super sick for over and week and the child does not eat at all! It is so frustrating at meal time and the whiney and crankiness by the end of hte day I want to shoot myself. I hate having that feeling. I feel guilty for feeling that way but it has just gotten to be alot lately especially b/c I can't really take him out anywhere.

Wow total rambling now.... We go for his 2 year photos this weekend (hopefully he will be feeling better) I will postsome pics and have a happy post for once on this blog!