Argh I have a lot of other shit to update on but I just haven't had the time. My nephew is in town and I spend my time with him doing stuff and spending lots of money that I don't have. ON top of that the stress of dealing with shit all sorts of shit I just can't seem to take it anymore.
Now I am just down, real down and I don't know why. I found out E is dating someone. Not just someone but this girl that he swore up and down that he wasn't interested in that there would never be anything there etc. I don't know why this upsets me so. I guess b/c deep down I fell in love with him in a away. Idk. Not like I wanted to be with him forever love just I mean you can tell by my posts about him that he means the world to me. NO matter how much he hurt me I still love him. He was really sweet and stopped by todayand we bs'd for while like old times. But I have to say when he said that they were dating..... my heart, just sank. I really don't have a right to be upset. I was not dating him, he is not my b/f but for some reason it just hurts.
Now on top of this my big plans for tomorrow are no up in the air. I hate that I mean I know shit happens and people have jobs and responsibilities etc. I truly understand that but I am just down about it.
For some reason I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. It is like these things are just the tip of the iceburg of the stress that I have been going through and I honestly don't know how much more if it I can take. I have friends who's marrages are failing, I am doing stupid things, I have friends getting hit by cars, friends getting screwed over by other friends, I have new friends that I think I am totally screwing up things with and I just feel like I am spiraling out of control and just don't know what to do anymore.
There has been something that is been going on with my life that I have not put into my blog for fear that people would no longer respect me or would judge me. I am still a bit afraid to post about it but maybe I will soon. When I can gather my thoughts about it. But it is major and it explains alot of what is going through my head.
I think I am gonna go play around with some pictures, maybe I will even upload a few, that usually helps me to feel better to look at my little mans face!
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9 Manfaat Terong Untuk Kesehatan Tubuh
9 years ago
2 comments:
I don't want to come off the wrong way, but aren't you married? What would hubby think if he knew that you had these feelings for another man? How would you feel if he felt this way toward another woman?
Seriously, no judgement. I just want to understand. I know everyone's marriages/relationships are different.
Good luck with everything you're dealing with. Sometimes it helps to just take a step back a reassess what is truly important to you. Your sanity should be near the top of the list! :-)
Hugs.
I appreciate your candidness (yet not rudeness). And no you did not come off the wrong way.
Yes I am married. And yes my husband nows how I felt towards E. Maybe not quite to the point that I really felt but he knew it.
E and any of my other friends were never there as a replacement to my husband. He means the world to me and I have no plans or intentions of changing that in anyway. He knows that.
But I think you are right I do need to take a step back.
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