Forget it...

I think I should just delete the last post..... B/c I was wrong! I think I have determined that I am just not destined to be happy and that things are just not going to go the way I thought or imagined they would.

I am very close to the point of saying fuck it all... things were simpler when i was homewith no life and no friends. My only friends being some internet companions with people I may or may not see.

I love my husband and I love my marriage, he claims he wants me to be happy and having friends and being a little bit more social makes me happy which makes him happy. But apparently not.

He asks me to tell him everything, where I am going etc, I have no problem with that. THen don't get mad at me that I was upset b/c I didn't know where you were for over 2 hours. That I was concerned about you when you decided to go for a walk at 12 at night saying that you are going to do your lotto and not come back for 2 hours.

At least I tell you where I am going approximately when I will be back and who I will be with. I feel like what you did last night was so secretive. You left the firehouse, told everyone you were going to get milk and then going home to go back to the firehouse to talk to her???? And come home 2 hours later..... I think I have a right to be concerened.

You say you biggest problem is not that I have friends but that you don't, why is that my fault. Why is it my fault that your ex-wife made you get rid of all your friends. Why is it my fault that you are a recovered alcoholic and don't drink so you think the people from the firehouse don't want to hang with you. Where I have told you time and time again that they are hapy on the times when you do.

Things were just simplier when I had no one else.... when I didn't have any friends and I think I should go back to that for the sake of my marriage b/c my marriage means more than anything in the world. So I won't be as happy but at the same time it will be less stress, less fighting and well cheaper (damn cell phone bill).

Blah... I am rambling... I don't even know anymore.