Just want to cry!

What a horrible horrible day. I really feel like just sitting here and crying.
I sit here so depressed that I have 2 friends that I have traveled across the country to NY and are now less then an hour away and I can not get to see them!
Original plans was accomodating some of my friends that wouldn't have a huge amount of money for the family vacation and would have been at my parents house upstate. And it came to everyones realization that hey they will be in or near NYC and how many opportunities will they have to do that. So everything got changed and moved which is totally understandable. BUT now there is just no possible way I can go.
I mean granted I was leary about going and doing this from day one b/c of the activities and trying to chase Andrew around by myself, trecking through the city (which I hate) and that the activities chosen really did not interest me. BUT I really wanted to go today to see my friends. I would have dealt with all those issues just to be with them.
But I sit here looking at my checkbook that literally has $29.54!!!!! I screwed up on the bills, we are fucking broke. I am worried about months to come our savings is getting depleted and I don't know what else to do about it. On top of that for the first time ever in my entire life I had to borrow $300 from a friend to help pay for the bills that were due yesterday. I didn't tell Kevin and it is just eating me alive that I had to do this. I am thankful to my friend it was really sweet of him to offer and I gratiously accepted but still.
So now what right would I have to spend the kind of money to be spent to get into the city. It would cost me almost $200 for the day! Granted they did find things that were fairly inexpensive given how expensive things are in the city but still. What right would I have to spend that money after borrowing money.
The of course tomorrow people are meeting at Central Park which would then be much cheaper. But there is now only one person that I want to see.
I also have to admit that seeing that seperate playdates were setup that I could have possible afforded and alot of other stuff going on with these ladies and with people in the firehouse lately I have been feeling very left out and alone. It is always the same thing where I am not quite fully "in the crowd" I am always just a bit on the outskirts. I hate that feeling.
So I sit here.... not wanting to do anything and having so much to do. My mind is running a million miles per minute spinning over money, bills, etc. Questioning what right I even have to throw Kevin this party. I mean turning 50 is once in a lifetime but so are my friends that are visiting from California etc. I mean granted I started planning for this party way before money got REALLY bad and my friend and his mom are helping me out tremendously to save money but still.
I just want to be out of debt!
I want to curl up in a ball and cry!
I don't want to do anything but at the same time if I stay here at the house I know I will just feel worse.... but maybe I should make myself feel worse. Think about all the things I am missing out on. My friends that I will never get to see. :(
I just don't know what to do.... and I am going to be all alone today, dwelling and getting even more down!